514 posts tagged “me”

I think it's been 2 months, but finally got our firefighter pictures!

Fireman

_MG_0212cal

Today Tyler and I attended Marsha and Theo's wedding, it was so cute and simple and classy. We had a really good time. Here's some highlights from it.

Some pics from the party,

Yeah, assface is in some of them, but oh well it is what it is lol

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Where do I start, so much has gone on this week.
Well, My bday party was Sunday, and it was a Bust. The turnout was not what I wanted,
but I am happy about the friends that DID show up ♥

However it was a weird night.
ATC had gotten drunk, as most of us had, that was the point hello.
While we were sitting outside he goes.. "Oh yeah.. uhh... Happy birthday... umm.. I think I missed it".... I said yeah, it was TUESDAY. Thanks. . . 

By the time we went to bed he was saying some pretty stupid things, that he's said before that just get under my skin and annoy me, and I snapped and went off on him as we were laying in bed.

He has a tendency to dwell on the past, his ex wife, how hot she was, she was a "7".. and now shes off happy somewhere and he just doesnt like that and he'll never get married again and he'd have to "move up" from her if he ever did blah blah blah, so I went off and said you know what, the past is the fucking past, get the hell over it already. You're the only one that cares so much about it. MOVE ON.

He mentioned that I was pissy and acting like his old roommate, ie. cabbage patch, to which i had to explain to him that she acted the way she did because even though she "moved out here for school" in her mind all along she thought in the end she moved out here to be with him.

Then he mentioned that he thought some of my friends were "hot" or "nice body but okay face" etc etc, and I snapped again and said, you know what, I really am sick of hearing how hot my friends are. They will NEVER get with you because they have respect for our friendship. And thats really just so rude.

He said something else I cant remember now, but I said you know what, if you wanna fuck other people just fuckin do it already I told you that months ago. And you know what, it's OBVIOUS that you already HAVE BEEN. Once i said that he was pretty much in shock and just stumbled over some words, I said it's obvious because we MAYBE have sex like ONCE a week.. among other signs.. and he says, well, maybe it's because of the "procedure" and i said bullshit. Your dick works fine since you've recovered from your vasectomy so don't give me that excuse

I said it's clear to me now that you just DONT give a fuck about me, or anything other than yourself. And now that i've come to that realization I'm okay with it, really, I am.

I excused myself to the bathroom and upon return apologized for being so harsh and snapping at him, and he said no problem. (Who knows if he really remembers any of it seeing as how he was drunk).

The next morning we woke up and everything seemed fine, we had some pretty good sex actually, and then I finished cleaning up from the gathering and Melissa and I left and went to breakfast. While we were there Tanya called and told me that at the party ATC had been talking to her bf, Adam outside and I guess, confided in him or was just drunkenly talking to him and asked him not to mention it to anyone, but the following was said...

apparently "I'm like a mcdonalds hamburger, always available, at home or when needed... but well there's this other 'steak' that he's been hitting and well, THATS the kind of girl if he ever did, would marry,... but ever since he got divorced all he seems to pull is fat chicks anymore, because u know, his "wife was so hot, she was like, a 7" and well, this steak, she's "a 9"...

Yeaaaah... well, thing is, thats totally something that he would say. I have no doubt in that, and really, I'm not mad about any of that. What I AM upset about is that the ONE thing I asked him to do 7 months ago, was to be straightforward with me, not be shady, and just tell me things. If he wants to be with someone else, or already did, just SAY so, So that I know and dont find out like this.  That is what I'm most annoyed with.

However I wasnt able to express any anger towards him until today because He went camping for the last 3 days. Which was actually probably a really good thing. Because within those 3 days I had a lot of time to think, and calm my self down and not flip the hell out about it all.

I was  trying to wait and see if he'd text me first but after a while i was just so anxious to get it over with. I mean I've been stressed out for days about it barely eating and having everything on my mind.

So i texted him asking if he got back into town okay.. and he replied yes, and asked how I was doing.. in which I said..

" I'm fine now that i've had a few days to think about things. I don't deserve to be your mcd's burger if your fuckin a steak. all i asked of you was not shady with me and be upfront. and you couldnt do that one thing. So i deserve to be a factor or priority or care in someones life, Rather than a dollar menu item. So thanks, for everything you helped me with and fun times we shared. If you want to remain friendly thats fine with me".

his response.... "OK"

... i was all... 'lol'... all i get is an ok? ... alrighty then.

and then later i said. .. .
and fyi, fat girls really are the way to go, because we cherish then man in our lives because we know how difficult it is to find a GOOD ONE. and those steaks the 7's and 9's you desire. well they'll just use you for what they can and your money and then stomp all over your heart (=

After I said all that, It was like a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. My mood instantly shot up, my appetite returned, and I started being nicer to people. Who knew thats all it took? I've never really had anything end that way. It was VERY empowering and stunned myself. Thoughout texting it all to him my heart was RACING and my hands were shaking, but once it was out, and his OK response came back i was like wow. what a selfish a hole. Not even a sorry or anything.  That made it so much easier to say wtfever.

I kinda think he said those things to Adam KNOWING they would get back to me so that he didnt have to say it himself. That vasectomy musta taken away more than just his ability to produce offspring.

Most everyone has said to me "good riddance, you'll find better etc etc". Others say, oh when he realizes how good you were he'll come back... Who knows. It really doesnt matter to me at this point.  I'm just glad that I know my gut instincts were right and I made the right decision in ending it all. 

Melissa got here early! / on time Friday evening as Tanya and I hauled ass to the airport to get her, we made it in time and got her luggage quickly and were on our way to the baseball game!

Birthday 09 001.jpg

We were only a few mins late to the game but no biggie...
All were starving so we stopped off at the first hot dog stand that we could and got our drinks from the guys walkin up and down the aisles.

 Here's me pondering my Mikes Hard Cranberry

During the 6th inning there was a game delay because of rain/lightning storm. It lasted for over and hour we eventually got bored and walked around and met up with "Dude with the Kids" that i used to hang out with since he was at the game as well... we then decided just to leave and go to the bars because we had our fill of baseball for the night..

So we headed over to Breckenridge Brewery and met up with a new friend Tom, via Yod, we stayed there for a few hours and had lots of fun

(are these pics not showing up for you? its acting weird)

Around 11:30 we met up again with "Dude with the Kids" at Sports Column, but only for a few minutes then we all headed over to Tavern. It was packed there, but they were playin good music and had yummy drinks!

• 18:28 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/srNCK #
• 18:52 twitpic.com/8pus2 - Standing aroun while atc fixes histr uck #
• 05:18 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/srNCK #
• 12:39 Joe Jackson is an idiot, and a horrible public speaker. No one cares about your "record company" at this time. #
• 14:35 Dammit I cut my hair off a few weeks ago, now I want it long again *shakes fist*!!! Any tricks for growing it quickly?! Vitamins - potions?! #

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SO effing frustrated right now.

Went to ATC's tonight to hang out, watched him fix his truck went for a ride to make sure it was all good. Then we watched season 1 of southpark and managed to both fall asleep by 9pm... around 1020 I got him to go upstairs to bed, and *I* tried to initiate some play time but apparently he was just too tired. Fine. Whatever. We all get like that. But He didnt even touch me after we got in bed. No cuddling no nothing. He rearranged the comforter and that was it.

An hour and a half later Im still staring at the ceiling, the pillow, the wall, the blinds, him sleeping.
I've got 8 million things running through my mind and its driving me infuckingsane.
I woke him up, told him I couldn't sleep, and that I was just gonna go home.
He sounded kinda sad, but understood.

I think i just need to suck it up and tell him whats on my mind and see what his reaction is to it.
Things that I need to get off my chest before I explode on someone.

Whats fucked up is, the 2 people that have been running through my mind as potential relationship back-ups BOTH told me tonight that they are NOW kinda in relationships. W T F
I guess that's how things go though right?

I need to figure out what I want, what he wants, and where we stand. 
I don't know If I can put up a facade for the next 2 weeks till my bday party.

I feel like I'd burst into tears telling him things though and I dont think he's ever seen me cry. 

• 18:23 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/srNCK #
• 08:17 WTF am I up so early on a Sunday Morning?! #
• 13:28 Currently watching: Confessions of a Shopaholic #

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• 18:50 My Daily Twittascope - bit.ly/srNCK #
• 11:20 Heading out to the swimming pool, I hope there's not a ton of chidren there. #
• 11:38 twitpic.com/8l0xx - Theres no one at the pool!! #
• 12:27 @megancanale i say that EVERY time i move, yet I've never been able to afford them LoL #
• 13:23 twitpic.com/8lf6t - Fatburger to cure the hangover! #
• 14:07 twitpic.com/8lliq - Dawgfude is trying to stay cool #
• 14:13 @megancanale weeeeird! i figure some day when i move into a house THAT will be the time to hire some shirtless hot movers! lol #

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