Putting a young child on the train by herself today — unthinkable, right? Not to Lenore Skenazy. A writer for the New York Sun, she let her 9-year-old travel alone on the New York City subway. Her biggest mistake? Writing about it.
She recounted in a column how, on a bright Sunday afternoon, she and
her husband allowed their child to ride the transit system by himself
(complete with map, transit card, money, etc.). He made it home safe
and sound and quite proud of himself.
Let the outrage begin.
Skenazy is now the subject of outrage from every overwrought parent
on the planet. Countless people, who apparently believe what they see
in the movies about New York City, have let Skenazy know how they feel
about her as a parent. This included being scolded by “parenting
experts” in interviews with her on national television talk shows, one
of whom suggested she should have given her son the same experience —
only, followed him. (Which, as Skenazy points out, wouldn’t have been
the same experience.)
In The Times (of London) this week, Skenazy recounted the
outrage to her original piece and responded, “Come on — my son had not
climbed Mount Fuji in flip-flops ... . He had simply done what most
people my age had done routinely when they were his age: gone somewhere
on his own, without a security detail.”
Not living in New York City, I have no idea whether I myself would
have let my 9-year-old ride the subway alone. That wasn’t my call to
make. I do know that, time and again, my worry when it comes to my kids
isn’t letting them run around and explore and play and ride their bikes
on their own — it’s what other parents will think of me for letting
them do so.
I have lots of concerns for my kids — don’t get me started — and no
I do not believe they should raise themselves. But I don’t worry about
whether they will break a bone jumping on the netted trampoline in our
yard (certainly a possibility) or that they will be abducted from the
playground down the street (not much of a possibility. According to
federal crime statistics, true stranger abductions happen a little over
100 times a year in the entire United States).
And anyway, I have at least one child that any would-be abductor would return forthwith.
But one of the things that does concern me is the experiences so many kids, even my kids, aren’t getting.
All the independent things I did as a child, whether riding the
train on my own, or standing up to three older brothers without my
parents regularly intervening, or disappearing with my friends for
hours on end into my neighborhood, have, I believe, undoubtedly helped
me to become the resilient person I am today.
I suppose I’m pretty much able to handle the curve balls sent to me,
without panicking and without depending on someone else to figure it
out for me. And I’ve had some wild curve balls. Suddenly raising a
family of four young kids on my own? Talk about adventure.
But by being too protective, I wonder whether my kids — our kids —
are going to be able to handle curve balls as adults. Forget a ride on
the subway. That’s one thing this mother worries about.
