.cant.sleep.

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SO effing frustrated right now.

Went to ATC's tonight to hang out, watched him fix his truck went for a ride to make sure it was all good. Then we watched season 1 of southpark and managed to both fall asleep by 9pm... around 1020 I got him to go upstairs to bed, and *I* tried to initiate some play time but apparently he was just too tired. Fine. Whatever. We all get like that. But He didnt even touch me after we got in bed. No cuddling no nothing. He rearranged the comforter and that was it.

An hour and a half later Im still staring at the ceiling, the pillow, the wall, the blinds, him sleeping.
I've got 8 million things running through my mind and its driving me infuckingsane.
I woke him up, told him I couldn't sleep, and that I was just gonna go home.
He sounded kinda sad, but understood.

I think i just need to suck it up and tell him whats on my mind and see what his reaction is to it.
Things that I need to get off my chest before I explode on someone.

Whats fucked up is, the 2 people that have been running through my mind as potential relationship back-ups BOTH told me tonight that they are NOW kinda in relationships. W T F
I guess that's how things go though right?

I need to figure out what I want, what he wants, and where we stand. 
I don't know If I can put up a facade for the next 2 weeks till my bday party.

I feel like I'd burst into tears telling him things though and I dont think he's ever seen me cry.